How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) by Chuck Sambuchino

Author:Chuck Sambuchino [Sambuchino, Chuck]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony
Published: 2010-11-09T00:00:00+00:00

Chimney: They come down the chimney, like jolly St. Nick—but deliver evisceration and death. See this page for the chimney cap option. If there’s a legitimate reason you can’t seal the top of your chimney, block up the fireplace using bricks and mortar to seal it from the bottom. Best option? Do both.

1. Practice exiting from a first-story window. This is not as straightforward as it may seem. When your house is on fire or garden gnomes are clawing at your legs, simple motor functions such as turning the lock on a window and calmly stepping through it suddenly become unimaginably difficult. So, as with all challenging tasks, you must practice. Get yourself acquainted with unlocking a window, lifting up the sash, kicking out a screen if necessary, then stepping through and exiting as quickly as possible.

The recommended method for exiting is one leg first, then the other. As you bring your second leg out, the momentum will force you to fall the short drop to the ground. Familiarize yourself with the sensations of falling and landing. Also, note how to bend your body (the angle should be no greater than 45 degrees) when exiting through the window. When seconds count and you must jump—dive headfirst. Although you run the risk of a neck injury or concussion upon landing, a feet-first “thread-the-needle” leap through a window takes exceptional agility.

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